Dear Jenny G,

for my husband's almost / maybe other lover

Please repeat after me:

"You have a wife, kids, a life.
I deserve better than to be the cereal
You opt for because you don't like
the main course anymore.

I am worth a man's full devotion,
Not frivolous texts about my sexy knees
That I so righteously do not even respond to.

Let's not meet at Lowbrau
To talk about football, your family, and my suitors.
It's wrong. It's adultery, touching or not.

I have never carried or birthed children,
So I have no idea what it really does to a woman's body.
But a woman who has,
If she's chosen a husband and he's chosen her back,
Should be allowed to work through marital issues undistracted
By the drama and threat of an "emotional affair."

And if she finds out
I will fully expect to be called
Six, seven, or eight times,
And to receive an explicit text message and a long voicemail,

Because I have been foolish enough,
Wanted attention enough,
Misunderstood true humanity enough,
And listened to the lies of culture enough

To find myself accused
Of something that I will dismiss as an innocent friendship
But acknowledge through my cowardly avoidance
Is a grave offense and debilitating blow
To a family still reeling from real loss.

I will redirect your advances, knowing you're acting
Foolishly--you are a man, after all;
That Eve story is a myth."

Now run off and be a good girl,
And hope with all your blondeness that you don't see me in hell.