Counting Up

OK, so I haven't been tracking this whole wedding prep thing very religiously. OK, so I threw my ring across the room after I hung up with Duc last night. OK.

The truth is that I haven't been counting down lately; I've been counting up. Counting up the number of RSVPs. Counting up the number of guests that parents keep adding to the guest list, and counting the number of my friends I wish I could invite to the wedding (as if any of this is really about what I want). Counting up the days I have to take away from my students so that we can have a "traditional" honeymoon. Sure, I'm acting like a victim here, but it's only because I feel like one.

I mentioned before that I haven't been dreaming about this day since I was young. Am I seriously alone in this? There must be other sensible girls who feel like this whole wedding thing is contrived and wasteful, and there must be others who've gone along with it anyway. After all, I'm not the only one getting married here, and he wants me to be happy about all of this.

In the middle of starting a new school year, recovering from Jury Duty (that's a forthcoming blog), and waiting to hear back from the DJ and dress shop, I decided to get surgery on my varicose veins. So, over the next three days, as I sit on my bed with my legs elevated, I will try not to think about my guest list as I read Sylvia Plath. Perhaps she'll have some unconventional advice.