Baby

Lately, when I look at people, I can't help but think: how did your mother manage her pregnancy?

Did she drink caffine? How much weight did she gain? Was she given to drink? I went off of birth control a few weeks ago, not because I want to have a baby, but because I don't want to be hormone-ized. I want my body to go through natural shifts and changes. After a handful of sobbing breakdowns (one at work, no less), my body has adjusted back. So I gave up coffee. I mean, what if I do get pregnant? And what about alcohol? I surely can't drink that if I might somehow get pregnant. Sometimes I think, this can't be what every "unprotected" woman goes through. Then again, most women don't drink a daily ration of wine and coffee. 

When

will you be home and

where exactly 

is it?

why does the rain make it smell both

musty and clean, and age bring rot and charm?

this old neighborhood is full of cracks

on the sidewalks and the foundations of its houses, yet

young couples dream of staking

their claim next to the elderly who can no longer maintain

what they've possessed for two or three generations.

half of the houses on this block are being renivated

but the trick is to also maintain the house's original charm.

gut the rotting wood, save the facade.

the woman with cotton candy hair and small dusty figurines in the window

is building a ramp to the door of her azure house three doors down.

through her dingy curtains i watch her watch

her daily shows: the price is right, jeopardy.

and for me the jeopardy lies in the question made out of the title.

what is the price of all this

and how does it go from a thirty year fixed loan

that only white people can secure

to home?